There is a spark
by ImagineYourself64
Summary: Dean and Cas have always felt something more for each other than friendship, but here lies their 'between the scenes' love story as it unfolds within the show's actual plot line. (Beginning around 6.07-6.08)
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

It'd been several months since Dean had left Lisa and joined back with the "new" Sam. He didn't trust Sam, but it wasn't until the Goddess of Truth recognized his inhumanity that Dean figured it was time to find answers with an angel on his side. Castiel had been distant, though, since he returned to hunting. Dean knew it was because of the war in Heaven, but he still found it hard to say goodbye every time Cas came and went.

When the angel was around Dean found it hard to look away from him. But he had no idea what was causing him to feel these feelings. He was still hung up over Lisa, and yet it almost seemed like his heart was telling him to move on. To move on with Castiel. But he pushed away those feelings and tried his damnedest to keep himself in check. Cas was an angel, and most definitely off-limits in too many ways to count.

But Dean kept a tiny bit of hope in the back of his head with the little things that Cas said or did in that it could mean that the angel somehow reciprocated the feelings that Dean had. He thought it impossible and possibly idiotic, but he still kept hope in case something changed…

. . . . . . . . . . . .

1

Dean stood at the counter of the rinky-dink hotel he and Sam were staying at. It'd been a couple of days since the whole vampire thing had happened. He was still silently pissed at Sam for letting him become a vampire, but he knew after being caught by the Goddess of Truth that the Sam he was with was not his Sammy. Dean's slightly shaking hands poured a drink that he raised to his lips and downed in one gulp. He poured himself another, sipping it more lightly and turning around just as the flutter of wings filled his ears.

And then there was Castiel, standing just beside him. "Where's Sam?" he asked in his deep, raspy voice.

Taking another sip of his whiskey Dean moved back slightly. "Out doing whatever the hell he does when he doesn't sleep." He paused. "Look man, we've talked about this."

"Dean," Cas interjected, looking into his eyes. He took the glass out of Dean's hand and drank it before slamming it on the counter as Dean continued.

"Personal space, Cas, that's all I ask for. Well, mostly, but—" he was cut off as the angel took a hold of Dean's shoulders and pushed him back, roughly bringing his mouth to the human's.

Dean shoved Cas back with his hands flat on the other man's chest. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" he said more than asked, surprise widening his hazel eyes and parting his lips.

Cas gestured vehemently, exclaiming, "For the love of God would you please shut up for once?" He watched Dean fumble for something to say, the man's hands clutching the edge of the counter with white knuckles. After a moment, though, Cas sighed and placed one hand on Dean's shoulder and the other on his face, forcefully bringing their lips together again.

Dean hesitated for just a moment but his body overruled his head and his last thought was "_Finally,"_ before he brought his arms around Castiel's back and responded to the kiss.

Their bodies were held tight together and Cas brought them to one of the beds. Dean fell on top of the angel and pinned his arms down, attacking his mouth. The only thing Dean cared about at that moment was the raw sensation of loving Cas and the tiny flame that began burning deep inside of him.

Cas rolled over until he was above Dean. Dean in turn ran his hands along the angel's body, so different from the women he was used to, but he liked it nonetheless. Castiel broke away from the kiss, panting slightly.

"I am sorry I hurt you all those times," he said meekly.

Dean just smiled a little and replied, "Don't worry 'bout it. You've saved my ass more times than I could ever count."

The corner of Castiel's lips turned up and he kissed Dean again, gingerly, passionately. Dean held the angel to him, never wanting to let go. Just then, though, the door suddenly opened and Sam stepped in.

The two men on the bed broke apart and stared at him a moment while he stared back. Then, as quickly as he had appeared, Cas disappeared and Dean's arms fell empty to the bed.

"What the _hell_ just happened, Dean?" Sam asked a minute later, still standing in the doorway, a manila folder clutched in one hand. Dean slowly sat up and held his head in his hands.

Sam finally stepped inside and closed the door while his brother moved back to the counter and grabbed the bottle of whiskey. "Bottom's up, little brother," he said cryptically and raised the bottle to his tender lips.

"Dean…" Sam began again, stepping stiffly towards him. Anger and confusion clouded his features.

"Nothing! Okay? Nothing happened. Not that you need to know about," Dean finally answered, exasperated. He sat back down on the bed and took another swig of the alcohol.

"But Dean, I just saw—"

"What did you see? Huh? Tell me that, Sam. Because it probably wasn't what you think it was."

"I saw Cas on top of you, doing… I don't know, doing something! And it didn't look like you two were fighting like usual. And why did he fly away so quickly?" Sam was talking quickly and making accusing faces at his brother.

Dean sighed heavily. "Look, Sammy, I don't ask you what you do in your spare time."

"Yeah but I don't do whatever it was you were doing with another guy, let alone a freaking angel! I mean, what the hell, Dean." Sam tossed his folder on the table by the kitchen counter and sank into the chair next to it.

Continuing to drink from the bottle, Dean didn't answer for a few moments. He finally brought his eyes to Sam's questioning glare. "You really wanna know?" he asked cautiously.

Sam nodded. "We're family. We're not supposed to have secrets." He looked intensely at Dean, who took a deep breath.

"I mean, it wasn't my fault, he just came at me, trying to choke me and I fell on the bed trying to get him the hell off me! He was crazy!" He gestured with his hands, nearly hitting himself in the head with the bottle. "I have no idea why, but that's what happened. You showed up at just the right time, man." He gulped down more of the liquid and guiltily watched the window. Suddenly Cas was standing right outside. Dean stood abruptly, mouth open.

"What is it?" Sam asked, still watching Dean. His brother glanced over at him, but when he looked back at the window, Cas was gone.

"I just… I just need some air." He unsteadily handed the bottle to Sam and slid into his leather jacket.

Sam frowned. "It might not be safe for you out there. Maybe the angels—"

Dean silenced him, curtly saying, "I'll be fine, Sam. I won't be gone long."

He shut the door behind him as he left the tense room and escaped into the chill of night, hands in his pockets. Glancing about him, Dean saw no soul in the area, but he knew Cas was around. He slunk to the side of the building and behind the motel, watching his back in case Sam followed him. He stepped around a dark corner and suddenly a pale man stood before him.

"Cas…" Dean whispered, taking his hands from his pockets. Castiel quickly cornered him, pushing his back against the dank wall and covering Dean's mouth with his own. "Cas, stop." Dean hated asking for that, but he needed something answered. "Why now?"

Castiel pulled away, but kept his arms around Dean's body. "Dean…" he said quietly. "I think, despite my angelical lack of emotion, that I am, what you call, in love. With you."

Dean wore a half-smile on his face. "'Angelical lack of emotion'? Yup. Pretty accurate."

"Dean, I'm being serious."

"So am I," Dean replied, kissing the angel and tightening his arms around him. "But, you've decided to tell me this now?"

Cas glanced to the side. "I've been noticing how you act around me lately, and I figured that I might as well take the chance before it's too late."

"Too late for what?"

Cas avoided the question and instead tilted his head and asked, "What about Sam and Bobby, though?"

"Well Sam basically pitched a fit back there after your disappearing act and I told him it was just us fighting and that you may have… uh… tried to kill me." Dean glanced away from Castiel's piercing eyes.

"And your point is?"

Dean sighed. "He can't know about us."

"But you're the one who says to not keep secrets from family," Cas retorted mildly.

Bristling slightly, Dean said, "That man in there… is not my brother. And until we figure out some goddamned way to get his soul back in him, I can keep as many secrets from him as I want."

Cas looked at him with what looked almost like sadness, but he just shrugged and agreed with a nod. They stood there a moment, communicating only with their eyes and the pent up emotions they held. Then Cas delivered one last bruising kiss to Dean and disappeared.

Dean breathed out and slouched back against the wall, staring up at the sky for a long while. Finally, a cold wind whipped his face and he made his way back to the room where Sam was waiting. But neither said a word and Dean collapsed on his bed, the ghost of Cas still blessing his lips as he fell asleep.

* * *

So, first installment of a fair sized WIP love story! Reviews always welcome :)


	2. Chapter 2

2

It had been just over three weeks since Dean had last seen Cas. There had been no jobs opening up over the last week, so Sam and he had returned to Bobby's. But the two brothers had just gotten into another one of their fights and Dean had locked himself in the upstairs bedroom that he used to sleep in as a child.

And there he sat on the bed, his muddled mind wishing only for one thing. "Cas…" he whispered, massaging his temples. A flutter sounded in the room just moments later and dust particles were raised into the air to fly around Dean's head.

"Dean, I—" Cas began, standing before him.

"You came," Dean whispered, getting to his feet.

Cas looked at him with warm eyes. "Yes." He paused. "But I—" He didn't get to say anything more, though, because Dean took his hands and shoved him against the wall behind. Their fingers intertwined and their mouths moved as one as Dean released all the emotion he'd been holding inside the past weeks.

Dean's lips migrated across Castiel's jaw and neck as the angel attempted to say his name. "Dean," his voice broke. He said it more forcefully, "Dean!" The human pulled back and looked at him. "I can't stay long… The war…" he trailed off.

"Then just stay here with me while you can," Dean replied softly. After a moment Cas nodded and kissed him again.

Dean's hands moved from Castiel's arms to his shoulders and then under the edges of his coat, which he pulled off and let fall to the floor. He began unbuttoning the angel's dark suit and finally took off his own shirt once Cas' clothes were littered on the floor. The warm planes of the angel's bare chest welcomed Dean's hands as they made their way to his hips.

"What a pleasant feeling," Cas whispered into Dean's ear. Dean laughed low in his throat and replied by pushing his body against Cas and kissing him passionately.

Then, tracing a path down his chest, Dean's lips arrived just above the edge of Castiel's pants. He glanced up at the angel's face and with one hand felt the bulge under Cas' belt.

Cas made a soft noise but managed to ask, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Hell yeah," Dean replied with a quirky smile. But just as he was unbuckling the belt there were footsteps on the stairs and Sam's voice calling out. Both men looked at the door at the same time, and then at each other.

"Damn it!" Dean muttered as the footsteps grew closer. Then suddenly Cas was gone and so were all of his clothes. Dean sighed and pulled his tee shirt off the floor, pulling it on and standing.

Once again, though, Cas came back, and with a hand on Dean's chest he pushed him to the wall and gave him a long kiss goodbye. When he left again, Dean slid to the floor and let out a puff of air.

The door opened and Sam walked in, saw him on the floor and crouched beside him. "Dean, are you okay?" he asked, concern light in his voice.

"Yeah. I just… I just got dizzy all of sudden." He ran a hand through his hair. "Why are you here anyway?"

Sam's face was blank as he said, "I heard some thumps and I was worried. And… I wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier."

Dean held out his hand and Sam grasped it, helping him to his feet. "Thanks. But I'm fine. And don't worry about it."

Nodding Sam replied, "Good. Oh, Bobby just got off the phone with an old friend and there seems to be something happening in Indiana."

Dean held back a sigh. "Yeah, okay. We'll leave tonight, then."

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, Sam, I'm sure."

* * *

Well chapter two is substantially shorter than chapter one, but they do kind of vary in lengths... just bear with it. Reviews are extremely welcome :)


	3. Chapter 3

3

"Dean, I warned you not to do it!"

"What the hell was I supposed to do? Just sit around while he ganked Bobby and killed everything in sight in cold-blood? He's not human without it. That truth bitch said so herself." Dean was nearly screaming. The angel just stood there, silently, watching him.

"I couldn't let it go on, Cas. I'm sick of watching him all the damn time and waiting to see what he'll do next."

Cas sighed and stepped closer to Dean. "You don't even know if he'll wake up."

"_When_," Dean retorted, the edges of his mouth twitching in frustration. "He will wake up. He's been through crap before and made it out."

"Not like this, Dean. You want to know what his soul felt like when I touched it? Like it had been skinned alive." Anger burned in Castiel's eyes and voice. Then he was gone.

Dean cursed loudly and threw his hands up. "Freakin' angels!" He trudged back upstairs and sat at the kitchen table, pouring himself a drink from the bottle of scotch already sitting there. He swallowed it in mouthfuls and after a few moments banged the table with his fist, cursing again.

"What'd Cas have to say?" Bobby asked, joining him and taking the seat across from him.

"Just a steaming pile of nothing," Dean replied angrily through his teeth.

The older man shook his head. "Well anything about if Sam will—"

"_When._ I know he will." Taking one last gulp of alcohol, Dean left the table and stormed outside, slamming the door behind him.

He took a deep breath of the cool air outside and slowly walked out between the cars in the yard. Kicking at the dirt with each step, Dean shoved his hands in his pockets and let his brooding eyes raid the dark sky.

After an hour or so of this, he stopped and closed his eyes, face still tilted skyward. "Look Cas. What do you want me to say? That it would have been better to leave my brother as a soulless asshole? You and I both know that was a crappy situation. And sooner or later this was bound to happen. I had no other choice. Cas, he's all I have left for family except Bobby." He paused, but as he opened his mouth to say more, a deep voice spoke behind him.

"I know, Dean." Whirling around, Dean found Cas standing a little ways off, looking somewhat helpless. "I know that it's probably for the best. I just don't want you to get hurt if things… don't work out." He came closer to Dean. "Just don't forget that you'll always have me, too."

Closing his eyes again, a pained look came over Dean's face. "Cas… I'm sorry." His eyes met the angel's and they held the sincerest of apologies. Castiel's reciprocated the emotion and nodded slightly. The two met with arms around the other and Dean rested his head on Cas' shoulder.

Cas suddenly transported them to the upstairs bedroom inside the house where they had been together previously. There, Cas kissed Dean lightly on the lips as they lay together on the bed, arms still holding them to each other. The angel's hand gently stroked Dean's hair until the man finally fell asleep.

Sunlight streaming in on Dean's face woke him up the next morning, alone. He stumbled downstairs and poured a cup of coffee before slumping into the chair at the table as he had the night before.

"Didn't hear you come in last night," Bobby said to him, entering the room from the basement.

Dean fumbled a moment. "Uh, well you must have been deaf because I definitely came in at some point," he managed out.

Bobby sighed and leaned up against the counter. His voice took on a resigned tone as he said, "Dean, I saw you and Cas out there."

"So? We were making amends, I guess," Dean said unsurely.

With raised brows Bobby sent him a doubtful look. "Really. And I suppose you two are besties now, huh?"

"Look, Bobby, I really don't think this something we need to talk about. Ever." Dean gave him a look back and sipped his lukewarm coffee.

"There something between you two I should know about?"

Dean hesitated for just a moment. "No. No, there's not."

"You're sure?"

"Jesus Christ, Bobby, is it against the law now to have friends in high places?"

The corner of Bobby's mouth lifted for a second before resetting into his dubious expression. "No, I guess it's not. Just… be careful. That's all I ask."

Dean relented and slouched back in the seat. "Alright, fine. Whatever you want Bobby."

"I don't wanna get tangled up in your affairs, Dean, but if there's anything—"

Standing abruptly, Dean cut him off. "Look, Bobby, there's nothing going on that matters at this point. So are we done here?"

Bobby looked at him with a mixture of disbelief and frustration. But he nodded. "Yeah, we're done." He watched as Dean shoved his chair aside and headed to the basement, worry clouding his wise eyes.

* * *

Figured it was time for some romancy stuff but things heat up pretty soon ;) Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

4

Sam had left the room to stash the phoenix ashes somewhere safe and Castiel was still slumped in a chair by Bobby's desk. Dean shed his heavy western coat and leaned against the bookshelves. He noted how Bobby looked awful and even Cas was showing wear and tear but he finally felt good; he felt they could now do something about Eve and face her head-on.

Bobby put his elbows on the desk in front of him and looked tiredly between Dean and the angel. "Well, since I have you two alone for the moment, I've got something to say."

Dean's eyes met Castiel's before staring skeptically at Bobby. "Look Bobby, you just said yourself that you feel like hell right now. Whatever this is, it can wait."

"No, Dean, it can't." Bobby looked pointedly at him.

He stepped over to Cas, saying, "Bobby, come on—"

But Cas stopped him with a hand on his arm and said softly, "Let him speak his mind," without looking at either of them.

There was a pause as Bobby breathed out heavily. "Boys, I know there's something more going on between you two than you're letting on."

"There's nothing, Bobby! I told you—"

"Dean!" Cas hissed forcefully. Dean looked at the angel in surprise but shut his mouth and clenched his jaw.

Bobby raised his hands in surrender. "I know you're not gonna tell me anytime soon, but I just want you to be careful. Things are gettin' serious now and I don't want you idjits screwing things up because of emotions."

Dean tried to reign in his anger. "Don't worry about it Bobby. There's _nothing_ between us." He whirled around and stomped out to the garage outside where he tore off his cowboy hat and threw it to the ground. He kicked it for good measure and sent it spiraling away. Huffing, he fell back against the steadfast Impala beside him.

Cas walked out of the house and squinted in the sunlight. He glanced around and found Dean where he'd been the past half hour. Coming closer he saw that the man's eyes were closed and he only opened them when Cas stopped a few yards away. Dean just stared at the ground though while the angel surveyed him.

"Are we going to pretend you didn't just say what you said?" Cas asked quietly. Dean didn't answer so Cas continued. "Dean, were you just saying that, or did you really mean it? Do you want there to be nothing between us?"

Dean's hazel eyes shined with unshed tears as they finally found Castiel's face. "No, Cas… I didn't mean it." He dropped his gaze once more. "Sometimes I wonder if I could just say that and it would be true. But… I don't think I could ever actually mean it." He took a deep breath and muttered something that the angel couldn't hear.

"What did you say?" Cas asked stepping closer.

Shaking his head and biting his lip, Dean looked at Cas and said more loudly, "I love you, Cas."

"Dean?" Sam's voice called out as he stepped forward from the shadows. "What's going on?"

Dean had a hard time finding Sam with his eyes. "Sam, this is really not a good time for you to butt in."

"You're my brother, Dean! And what I just heard you say…?" His gaze was filled with questions and disbelief as he looked back at his brother.

"Sam," Cas addressed him, moving towards Dean. "I suggest you turn away."

"Why, Cas? Don't I have a right to know?"

Cas shrugged slightly. "I warned you," he said mildly. Then he reached for Dean and put his hands around the other man's head, bringing him in for a crushing kiss. Then they were gone, and Sam blinked rapidly to rid himself of temporary blindness after the massive flash of light from where they'd been standing.

"What the hell is with this family," he muttered.

Meanwhile, Dean and Cas arrived in what looked like an old log cabin. A fire crackled in the hearth and the house seemed to be just one room with a kitchen to one side and a large bedroom to the other. Cas let Dean go and he took in his surroundings. Outside the windows were a dense forest to the left and a sparkling lake to the right.

"Where are we?" Dean asked, his eyes returning to Cas who was watching him.

"A pocket of Heaven."

"Wait.. I'm in Heaven?"

Cas nodded slightly. "Technically, yes, but it's hidden from the rest of Heaven."

"So why are we here then?" Dean thought he already knew the answer, but it was confirmed when Cas smirked and wrapped his arms around him, bringing their mouths together again.

Many hours later, Dean woke up with Castiel's head on his bare chest. The angel had his eyes closed but Dean knew he wasn't asleep. As soon as he sensed Dean was awake, Cas looked up at him with a vaguely smug expression.

"What?" Dean asked, the corner of his lips curling up.

"Nothing," Cas replied. "Are you ready to go now?"

Dean thought a moment, his thumb absently rubbing Castiel's arm. "Nah, not quite yet." Cas settled his head back into the contours of Dean's chest and put his arm around Dean's waist.

* * *

Sometime later, after both men had dressed themselves and undressed each other repeatedly, Dean was finally ready to leave. He felt better than he had in months and even when Cas zapped them back to Bobby's place and left after one last goodbye kiss, he didn't feel any overwhelming longing like he had before. But when he came into the main room and found Sam and Bobby waiting for him and half-drunk, his down-to-earth sobriety came rushing back.

"So you gonna tell us what's been going on, or should we supply the story ourselves?" Sam asked him from his seat at Bobby's desk.

"What do you want me to say?" Dean asked seriously, standing by the stairs.

"That you've been hiding this huge," Sam waved the beer bottle in his hand to demonstrate, "thing from us for a long time now."

Dean sighed and bit the inside of his cheek. "Since we found out you were soulless," he muttered.

Sam laughed cynically. "And you expected to tell us… when exactly?"

"Look, it's not like I was gonna keep it from you guys forever. Just all this business with Sam and now this Eve bitch is taking up almost all of our time. And I just figured it could wait until things calmed down," Dean managed to say, struggling for words.

The two sitting men glanced at each other. Finally, Bobby asked, "Well you gonna at least tell us who started it?"

Dean raised his eyebrows. "Do you really wanna know all the gory details?"

"Well, no, but—"

"It was me." Castiel's voice came out of nowhere as he suddenly appeared in the kitchen behind them all. "If you want someone to blame, then blame me."

"Cas…" Dean called out quietly, but the angel didn't look at him.

"No one's blaming anyone," Bobby told him. "We just want to be in the loop when two of our company are secretly getting together."

Cas nodded stoically. "I understand. But I can assure you, this won't affect our battle with Eve or anything else."

"Good," Sam muttered.

Dean looked at his brother; really looked at him. The angry face and the clenching of his jaw, his tight fists, impatient tapping of his foot. "Sam, are you… jealous?" he asked.

"What? God, no," Sam replied, his face squinting up the way it did when he was hiding something obvious.

"You are, aren't you?" Dean paused. "But… why?"

"You've always been his favorite and now I see why," he answered bitterly. Dean looked in mild shock at Cas, who was staring at Sam, expressionless.

"Dear God," Bobby cursed, standing. "This is turning into a real soap opera! Well, I'll let you three 'discuss' things and I'm gonna go get some shuteye for once." He took the open bottle of whiskey off the table and chugged a few mouthfuls as he trudged up the stairs.

After a few moments, Dean's eyes wandered back to Cas, who met them before looking back to Sam. The younger brother was twirling the bottle of beer in his hand and sulking openly.

"Sam, I'm—" Cas began, but Sam cut him off.

"You don't need to apologize. I don't care."

Dean felt flustered and nearly shouted, "Jesus, Sam, you're acting like a fricken five-year-old. You expect us to just let you go drink yourself to oblivion and sulk in the corner?"

"Yes, Dean, that's exactly what I expect. You two can go do whatever the hell you want, but I'm done." Sam stood abruptly and made to move past Dean. But Cas moved faster and stopped him by grabbing his arm.

"Sam, I'm sorry," he insisted, looking into the younger man's eyes. Then he pulled Sam's arm and kissed him.

Dean watched with his mouth open and felt his foundations fall away. Sam's hands dropped the beer bottle and made their way around Castiel's body, the same body Dean had made love to mere hours before.

Feeling faint, Dean couldn't take any more. He stumbled to the back door and down the steps. He barely heard Cas shout his name behind him as he ran to the Impala. He started it and punched the gas, tearing out of the yard and onto the road. He didn't even think it odd that Cas didn't appear in the seat next to him to stop him.

The car was going faster and faster without Dean realizing it. It was nighttime and he could barely see anything on the road. Then, suddenly, something flashed in the headlights and Dean automatically swerved to avoid it. The car flew out of his control. He tried to correct his swerve, but it was moving too fast and the last thing he saw was a looming tree before he crashed and blackness hit him.

* * *

Dean bolted upright, startling Cas who had had his head resting on Dean's chest.

"What is it?" the angel asked, his hand placed reassuringly on Dean's arm.

Attempting to regulate his breathing again, Dean looked around and found he was back in the log cabin in Heaven. "It was just a dream," he whispered, "Just an awful… really realistic dream."

"What happened?" Cas looked at him with worried eyes but managed to coax him into lying down again.

Dean relayed the dream to Cas who listened silently. When Dean had finished, he also grew silent and stared up at the ceiling. The vivid feelings he'd experienced were just beginning to fade.

"So," Cas began, "This all comes down to keeping it from Sam because you are worried that I'm interested in him also."

"You really think that's what all that meant?" Dean asked with only a hint of skepticism.

Cas shrugged. "You cannot deny it's possible." He propped himself up on his elbow next to Dean and splayed his free hand out on the man's chest. "But, Dean, it's not true. You are for me as you have been since I brought you back from Hell."

Dean sighed out the breath he'd been holding in relief and met the angel's bright eyes. "And I hope that's how it stays, too, Cas."

* * *

Sorry this one is super long, but I hate cliffhangers so I just kept it all together... Ugh, this was so hard to write. I'm not into writing really heavy sexy scenes so this is what you get, but pictures in my head? Hell yes. Anywho, ending this... I hate the ending but I can't think of anything else... Thoughts? Reviews? :)


	5. Chapter 5

Ugh I'm so sorry it's so short... So so sorry...

* * *

5

"Don't touch me!" Dean shouted furiously as Cas stepped nearer. They were inside Bobby's house, fighting over what to do about Castiel and Crowley's deal. The failed angel warding signs on the windows shone bright red as moonlight filtered in over the two men.

Cas looked at him with sad eyes but backed off and stood a little to the side. "Dean, I'm sorry," he pleaded. But Dean would have nothing of it and turned away, banging a fist against the wall.

"I don't want to have to kill you," Dean said after a moment, "but I will if it comes to that."

"I understand," Cas replied slowly. "Just… give me one more night with you. Just one more, and then we can return to our normal selves."

The anger in Dean's eyes melted into tears which he tried in vain to hold back. "I can't, Cas," he whispered, shaking his head and turning back to the angel. Cas went closer to him.

"Just be mine for one last time," he urged, using his thumb to wipe a lone tear off Dean's cheek.

Dean closed his eyes with an anguished expression and turned away. Cas reached out and grabbed him suddenly, though, and kissed him deeply. Dean guiltily soaked in the solace of Castiel's embrace. Cas moved them to the couch that Dean had just been sleeping on and fell on top of the other man. There they lay together in the dark, both savoring the moment of comfort before they were forced to fight.

"Dean," Cas said seriously after a while, "whatever happens, I want you to remember me as I am now; as I am with you."

"Of course," Dean replied. "I'll never forget you…" he trailed off, sadness making him cling tighter to the angel. All too soon, though, Cas left, and Dean spent the last few hours of night pulling himself together again.

* * *

So short I know I'm sorry, but the next few are a little bit longer... it gets kind of hard to write things when serious shit is happening in your OTP's actual lives... But I did! Thanks for your support peoples :) And again, reviews are REALLY welcome!


	6. Chapter 6

6

It had been months that Dean was without Cas. They'd parted in the worst of ways and Dean never forgot that, but he also tried to always remember the Cas from before. But when he killed that demon and looked up from his body to find Cas staring at him, it was all he could do to not cry out.

When the man had said he was Emanuel, Dean was shocked. He couldn't find words to say while his heart ached to touch Cas, to hold him, but he couldn't, and he filled himself with the fact that this man was no longer the Cas he loved.

It wasn't until later, when Dean and Meg brought the truth to Emanuel's eyes that Dean felt a tiny hope spark in his heart that his Castiel had returned to him. But when Cas began denying the situation, Dean knew he had to do something and took Castiel's coat from the trunk of the car.

"I saved this," he told Cas, giving it to him. "It was all I had left of you, so I've kept it with me all this time."

"Dean, we didn't part as friends," Cas said, sadness welling in his eyes.

Dean nodded. "I know that. But it doesn't mean I ever stopped loving you."

Cas took Dean's arm, saying, "After what I did? To Sam? To you?"

"I've always loved you, Cas." Dean put a hand on the angel's face and kissed him gently. "I've been waiting for you to come back to me."

"Dean…" Cas whispered, looking deep into the man's eyes.

"I hate to break up this beautiful love scene, boys, but are we going to get Sam or what?" Meg interrupted rudely, hands on her hips. Dean looked at her sharply, but Cas just glanced to the building in front of them and nodded.

Later, though, when Cas found he couldn't heal Sam, and instead he could shift the madness from Sam to himself, Dean tried to stop him.

"Cas, I just got you back, and now you're leaving me again?" he said incredulously, taking hold of the angel's shoulder where he sat next to Sam.

Cas glanced at him. "This is my mess, Dean, I have to fix things now or he'll die. I won't die from this, but it will be hard, I know. Somehow, I know you'll find a way to stop everything. But until then, I will take the burden."

"Please, Cas, we can find another way," Dean pleaded.

"We can't. This is the only way right now. Let me go, Dean, just for a while longer." Castiel's eyes were filled with determination, but he touched Dean's cheek tenderly. "I'll be fine. It's only temporary."

Reluctantly, Dean released Cas and immediately the angel went to work. The tiny spark in Dean's heart grew even smaller as Cas took the madness onto himself. It was hard, leaving Cas there, but Dean knew there was nothing else to be done.

"I'll try to fix this," he promised Cas as they left. "I will."

Weeks later, when Meg called saying Cas had woken up, that same bit of hope flared inside of Dean. But when they arrived to find Cas so… different, that spark extinguished. From the moment he saw Cas, he knew everything was over. This was not the Cas he knew and loved. Barely anything of that Castiel remained, it seemed.

He knew his mistakes, he remembered everything, and yet, when Dean met the angel's eyes, there was no recognition of love in them. Only the endless pools of calm and a whacked innocence. He was a child again, in Dean's eyes, there was no man left to fall in love with. Dean took that truth and held onto it, letting his frustration wash away his sadness.

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A/N: You have no idea how much I wanted Dean to just slap the SHIT out of Cas in this chapter... but obviously I couldn't... Short again, next one is long though!


	7. Chapter 7

Purgatory.

The very word brought pain and blood and dark memories to Dean's mind. But the thing that stood out most to him was his failure to save Cas. Benny was a good friend, a strong ally, but Cas was the man he loved more than anything else. Leaving the angel behind in Purgatory haunted Dean, which was why he thought he was seeing Castiel everywhere he went.

But when Cas finally showed up for real in that motel, Dean was dumbfounded. And the memory of how they'd parted in Purgatory bled fresh, bringing sharp pain.

The day after Cas came back to him, Dean went out to the store to grab a couple of things, but he was distracted. His thoughts were constantly turning back to the hellish time in Purgatory, and to Cas specifically. He couldn't stop wondering, _Why?_ Why was Cas back? Why was the angel not pissed at him that he couldn't save him? Why had he failed?

Dean remembered first seeing Cas again and seeing him whole. It gave him the push he needed to commit to finding the way out for them both. He wanted to step foot on Earth again, hand in hand with Cas; get drunk and have sex until he died and went to Heaven where Cas would be waiting for eternity.

Losing him again so soon, Dean also wondered how he managed to stay sane.

Cas was back though, but somehow, Dean wasn't happy. Even after they'd gotten Kevin back, when Cas showed Dean what really happened at the portal in Purgatory, he still felt confused. He wanted to kiss Castiel, to hold him and make sure he was real; he also wanted to punch him in the face, scream at him how stupid it was what he did and how much it hurt. But Dean did none of those things, because he still had to sort out Kevin and his mother.

Late at night a few days later after they'd handed off Kevin and his mother, Sam was sleeping and Dean quietly slipped out of the motel room they were in. He didn't know where Cas was, but for the moment, he didn't quite care. He wasn't planning on going anywhere, but as per usual he got into the driver's seat of the Impala. The windows were down and Dean stuck his left arm out into the chilly night air and leaned back in the seat.

His mind was wrapped around Purgatory just as he wished for a second that his arms could be around Castiel. But the feeling passed almost instantaneously. Dean mulled over the images that Cas had imprinted into his mind earlier. He didn't remember things the way Cas had shown him, but he had no reason to believe that Cas had made it up or lied about his wanting of penance.

Dean knew that Cas was troubled, he had been even when his marbles were scattered all over the floor. But Dean also knew that Cas wouldn't lie to him, not after everything else that had happened. Suddenly banging the steering wheel with the palm of his hand, Dean cursed and sighed heavily.

"What is it, Dean?" Cas asked, suddenly appearing in the passenger seat with the flutter of his wings as the only announcement to his presence.

Dean jumped and glanced over. "Jesus, Cas, you still scare the crap outta me when you do that."

"I'm sorry," Cas replied sheepishly with a half-smile. They were silent for a moment before Cas abruptly turned and started, "Dean—"

"Cas, you're not lying about the whole Purgatory thing," Dean interrupted, "right?" His eyes stayed focused on the building across the street.

The angel's own eyes traced Dean's jawline in the moonlight as he hesitated a moment. "No, I'm not lying. I wouldn't lie to you, especially not about that." Dean's only response was a tight nod. They grew silent again for a long time.

Eventually, Cas reached out a hand and touched Dean's cheek, but the other man didn't move. "Dean," he started again. "Do you still… love me?"

Dean's face slowly turned towards Cas. His eyes were soft but heavy with conflicting emotions. "I don't know, man," he said, shaking his head slightly. "I mean, I do, but... My head is still all jumbled up from that place and now everything with Kevin and demons and all the other loads of crap constantly being piled on my plate." He was talking with his hands the way he did when he was flustered, Cas noticed.

"I told you before, Dean, you don't have to be responsible for everything. Those 'loads of crap' don't only have to be on _your_ shoulders. You have Sam, and Garth, and… you have me. You'll always have me." Castiel's voice held conviction though it was soft and soothing.

Dean tried to breathe steadily. "What… what happens if I don't love you?"

Cas paused, contemplating while wringing his hands before saying, "I suppose things will become strange when we are around each other, then."

"And if I do?"

"Then I can do this whenever I want," Cas replied, leaning over the console and putting his hands on either side of Dean's face to bring their lips together.

Dean seemed to want to draw back at first but he quickly surrendered. Suddenly Cas was sitting on his lap, hands running over his chest. Dean brought his arms up around the angel's body, the contours of which were warm and familiar.

"Damn, I've missed this," Dean muttered, Cas and his mouths moving as one passionately.

Cas moved his lips across Dean's sharp jawline and nibbled at his ear, whispering, "We should move this inside."

"What about Sam?" Dean asked as Cas pulled away.

"Don't worry," Cas replied with a smirk, "I put him into a deep sleep."

Dean made a noise that was half a snort and half a laugh. "You knew this would happen, didn't you?"

Cas shrugged. "I took precautions." Dean grinned and Cas flew them from the front seat to the bed inside the motel where they landed with a thump, Castiel's knees on either side of Dean's hips.

Dean helped the angel out of his coat and tossed it away. He wrapped his fingers around Castiel's tie and pulled him in for a deeper kiss. He paused though, after a few moments. "Cas, I don't really think we should be doing this right now," he said softly, hesitantly.

"Why not?" Cas trailed his mouth across Dean's neck to the hollow of his throat. "I missed you, though," he breathed, his hand dipping down to brush against Dean's thigh.

Dean's eyes fluttered as he groaned at Cas' touch. He'd dreamed of being together again for months; even in Purgatory he'd thought about it often, knowing it was impossible while they were there. But they were here. Finally together. And Dean couldn't come up with a viable answer so he just continued attempting to hold back the soft moans gathering in his throat while the angel's cool fingers slid off his clothes and caressed every inch of his lean, scarred body.

"You're merciless," he muttered sometime later, as Castiel's lips kissed the tenderest places on his body. "I'd call you a demon if I didn't know better," Dean added, suddenly rolling over on top of Cas. He grinned and kissed the angel's soft mouth before whispering hoarsely, "My turn."


	8. Chapter 8

It was strange, Dean thought, having Cas on a case with him. Strange, but it made him happy. For too long he'd only been able to see Cas when he called or the few spare moments they had together. But being able to spend whole days together was like a blessing to Dean. Although, he was really beginning to get irritated with the fact that Sam had to be there, too.

Even so, Dean felt there was more to the angel's hanging around than he was letting on. This was confirmed when Cas lost his head a little and told Dean he couldn't return to Heaven. Dean wanted to say more, but Sam, as always, intruded rudely and ruined the moment.

It was a little later though, when Dean and Cas finally found a moment alone in the motel while Sam was out investigating… or something. Cas was leaning against the counter in the kitchen and Dean sat at the table. Neither was looking at the other.

"Dean," Cas began after a long bout of silence, "I know you wish to talk about this, but I don't."

"I don't care," Dean replied instantly, his fist opening and closing on top of the table. He didn't quite understand what was frustrating him so much, but he knew that Cas needed to talk and he was determined to make the angel do just that. "You said you might kill yourself, Cas. That's not something I'm going to just sit around and let you think about."

Castiel remained silent, his eyes glancing between the floor and Dean's feet as the other man stood up and began to pace slowly in front of him. There was a hard set to the angel's jaw that mirrored Dean's own, though neither realized this.

"Cas, just talk to me, for your own good."

"I told you, Dean. After everything that has happened it would be too hard for me to ever return. To see how I caused it all—"

Cas was shocked into silence as Dean suddenly spun towards him and slammed his fists onto the counter on either side of Cas. The man's head was bowed and Cas could see the silent anger in the tenseness of Dean's shoulders.

"Listen to me," Dean commanded, his head rising so their eyes finally met. Cas saw cold determination whereas in himself he only felt apprehension and the beginnings of fear. "You are not responsible for everything that happened."

"But—" Cas tried to interject.

Dean growled, "Shut up." He continued after a deep breath. "Those things that you did, they weren't _you_. I know you, Cas, and from the moment you took all those souls and those godforsaken Leviathans, you were someone completely different. Even before that, you were different. And sure you may have killed a bunch of your feathery family before that, but it was a _war_. War causes pain and grief and death, and while I can understand your guilt from that, you need to let that go. It happened, it sucks, but you don't need to beat yourself up over it again and again.

"And what happened after you took in all of Purgatory? You had hundreds of thousands of monsters inside of you. Did you think that wouldn't affect you at all in your head? Obviously they would rub off on you, and eventually they managed to possess you, too. That wasn't you. None of it was you. You are here now, and this is the real you." As he had been speaking, Dean slowly drew himself up to his full height and with his last words he placed his hand over Castiel's heart.

"Dean, I remember it all, though," Cas argued quietly, still subdued by Dean's outbreak.

Dean replied with a shake of his head. "You have to let all of that go, Cas. It was a different time and a different person. Carrying around all of that guilt… the only thing it'll do is drive you mad until you really do kill yourself. And I can't let you do that," he added in a whisper. Dean's eyes were focused on his hand that was still pressed on his angel's chest, but there was a vulnerability in them that made Cas cover Dean's hand with his own.

"You have to forgive yourself, Cas." Blue eyes met green as Dean raised his head again. Then Dean watched as, for the first time, tears began forming in Castiel's eyes.

"How?" the angel asked as a single tear fell down his cheek.

"Time," Dean replied, enveloping the fallen angel in his arms.

Cas didn't know how long they stood like that, his hands clutching at Dean's cotton shirt and his mind reveling in the absolute comfort that the embrace gave him. All he knew was that he never wanted it to end, and Dean didn't seem like he was inclined to let go anytime soon either.

So there they stayed, for what felt like hours, but was probably only a short time. In the end, Dean lightly kissed Castiel's forehead and wiped his face clear of tear tracks, giving him a small smile of hopefulness. It was seeing that smile that let Cas choose his path and so he returned the favor, sending a silent prayer to his Father in gratitude for the man in front of him.

Dean, in turn, saw something surface in the angel's eyes. There was a heavy feeling weighing on his heart that began to slowly fade when he saw the gentle need in those blue eyes as it called to him. It was that need that Dean wanted to answer—had to answer. So he did, softly pressing his lips to the angel's.

_His_ angel's.

* * *

A/N: So, this is all that I can offer so far, at least until the show resumes. I feel like its not very much, but Cas doesn't show up a lot throughout these seasons especially considering he's kind of God, then dead, then crazy for a really long time as you all are aware of! But I gave it my all and I will continue once the show returns again! I hope you've enjoyed thus far and thank you so much for reading!


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